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I have wanted to start my own self-hosted blog for a long time. Finally decided to make the leap from a free blog. My mission is to bring my hobbies together. Help people who might be in the position I was in a few years ago or who just want to be creative. In order to do this, I thought I better tell my story.
Growing up in a family with 6 kids we didn’t have much money. I always had second-hand clothes or last years fashions/trends. I never got that years consoles, phones or toys like a lot of my school friend. I didn’t have loads of clothes or get to go home to a nicely decorated home. It didn’t matter though as we had a mum who baked and did all sorts with us.
My parents separated when I was about 11. Mum had a new boyfriend who I hated. Dad had moved out and asked if I wanted to go with him. Scared to change school I stayed with Mum, and my 2 younger sisters.
Always wanting to spend time with her boyfriend or out selling Avon, Mum didn’t have the time to do what she had in the past and her head was elsewhere. I missed the Mum who used to take us out and bake. Occasionally we would still go out but often her difficult boyfriend would ruin things and it was never quite the same.
I was lucky if there was someone at home waiting to greet me, more often then not I would be coming home to an empty house after picking my younger sisters up.
Eventually, my dad moved back in and shared my brother’s room. He wanted to look after us and the house.
When I was 15, I was on the phone talking to my boyfriend. We had 2 house phones, 1 was my dads, the other was my mums. I heard my dad say loudly on the other phone ‘You have leukemia?!’ Not the way anyone should find out that their mum has a life-threatening illness. I didn’t even understand what it meant. She needed treatment as soon as possible.
Those few years had damaged me so much I moved out at 16. Living with my boyfriend we didn’t have a lot of money. Jealousy, Depression, Anxiety, Envy, and Anger were just a few of the feelings I had as a teenager from a broken home. I felt alone all the time, and sometimes I still do.
My head was a mess, I couldn’t cope with everything that had happened never mind more. I wanted it all to be a bad dream that I’d stepped into and could pinch myself to wake up. It was unfair I was so angry at the world, how could we have all this bad luck.
I spent so much time depressed and unable to escape my own thoughts. The bad memories circled around and as they did more where added.
Becoming an adult
I turned 18 and all of a sudden I was an adult. What money we had was often spent on going out drinking and bad food. We struggled by, borrowing money, eating the cheapest chicken nuggets and chips possible when we ran out of money.
My brother, Mike, visited us the Christmas before I turned 18 asked me what I was doing here and my answer was you know mum. I got along with mum so much more after I moved out and didn’t have to go to her boyfriends. I couldn’t stand seeing her suffer and the way he treated her. I had much more to think of than the average person my age. That visit was the last time I saw my brother.
Mike served in the Royal Marines from 18. That year he turned 26 and was serving in Afghanistan. On a mission and first, of the Chinook helicopter, his unit was ambushed. Mike took a shot to the back of his neck and was killed instantly.
Our family was broken into a million pieces. Mum’s leukemia came back and less than 2 years later my mum passed away. I scraped my way through college and somehow ended up with qualifications, and found a job.
I didn’t cope well at work I hated what I did working in kitchen’s it just wasn’t for me. I love to cook but not under pressure.
A few years later I quit my job, had a complete breakdown, ended up in debt and barely left the house. Drinking alcohol to numb the pain, taking antidepressants and seeing countless councilors some more useless than others. Entering competitions to distract my mind and obsessing over ways to save and make money really helped.
I won tickets to Harry Potter studios. That day the place was packed and my anxiety skyrocketed but I still had a great time. It forced me out of my comfort zone and I loved it. I tried different things after that. Started forcing myself into situations I felt uncomfortable in.
I started painting, volunteering and studied accounting. Numbers and being creative are my things. I found a new love from a bad situation. I want to put these skills to use in this blog.
Becoming a mum
3 days before Christmas Harry came along. On time on his due date and with a bang. A very traumatic birth and that’s putting it lightly. Luckily we both came through healthy and happy. Being a mum has taught me so much. It’s definitely the hardest job in the world but the most rewarding.
I want to be the frugal mum like my own mum, bake, cook and take Harry on holiday to Cornwall. I mean he is more than worth it, look at that cute little face. He is now my world and for him, I will be who I am meant to be. I hope you stay to enjoy the rest of my journey, I’d love to hear about yours 🙂