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10 years ago to this day my day started with a distant buzzing noise, it was about 8am and a phone was buzzing constantly on a table in the living room. I hadn’t been able to sleep that night so pulled myself off the mattress on the floor and looked at my phone, it had been on silent not even vibrate, a bad habit of mine. The phone buzzing in the living room was my partners phone but it was my parents house calling. I had several missed calls and that was the last and only time the house phone was unplugged in case of midnight callers.
Everything next is a bit of a daze but I remember talking to a very shaken mum on the other end of the phone who just managed to get the words out ‘Michael’s been killed in action’ somehow I remember asking her to repeat what she just said, not being able to believe it I hoped I had misheard and she meant Michael her boyfriend had been killed in an accident, not my brother in Afganistan, I must have still been dreaming.
I sobbed on the phone and hung up in shock.
I don’t remember a lot after that only that my auntie Dawn picked me up to take me to my parents and there was everyone there talking, crying, hugging and trying to get our heads around what these 2 men had come to tell us all. The worst possible news you could get as a family that a loved one is no longer here.
How could this have happened? This world was so cruel. I sat on the grass outside underneath the window hiding from all the people not being able to believe that my big brother who I was so proud of and always looked up to wasn’t going to walk in the door any minute and tell us all its been a big mistake. It wasn’t to be.
As I write this its strange to think that now I’m 2 years older then you will ever be. I want to, I need to write everything down for years I’ve held things in but I need to follow my passions of writing and being creative. So I write this blog post today for my big brother Mike and hope to fill the blog with my adventures and daily life.
You had so many people that loved you and still do, your send off was so big you would have loved it. Not many people have the red arrows fly over and have that many people turn up that they line the streets and fill 2 pubs at the wake. They checked the drains and sealed up the bins. Honestly Mike the security was crazy, the reporters where buzzing around constantly, one even turned up at our front door, me being polite and young (OK maybe a little stupid/naive) I let him in, only for dad to say he was too upset to talk and for him to leave. I will never be able to hold back the tears when I hear the last post and I miss you everyday.
I hope your happy with the everyone else up there we have lost since, I’m sure mum is keeping you in check and I’m so sorry I never wrote this letter before it was to late. 10 years too late I wish I’d taken the time to write to you, I felt so guilty for so long. But here it is now a much overdue letter, a start of finishing things I’ve meant to do. I have Harry now, he would have loved to play with you, he’s currently 19 months and the time is going so fast. He has your name as his middle name and is so cheeky and cute. I will teach him to live how you lived and be brave and proud of his Uncle Mog (Sorry had to throw your nickname in here somewhere). One day I will see you again and when I do I will have lots of stories to share. Love you to the moon and back, Ellie xxx